good boys die young

why dont i have a life? i would really like to know this. recently i've been waking up at 6:30 in the morning on school days and somewhere inbetween 7 and 10 in the morning on weekends. then of course i go to school moday-friday. after school im either at the high school or sitting my ass on the computer. i want to write music again. i need to get my guitar back.

this week i've been filling my brain with the sounds of the dresden dolls, the distiller, cursive, underoath, nirvana, humanwine, and hawthorne heights. i got really sad on friday night then really happy. like i guess i was just bored out of my mind not sad. because i scratched at my arm. then i got really happy because i got my dresden doll shirt.

yesterday i went up to bonney lake to write some music with the rest of Crushed By Clouds. this is the first band i've been in that actually has a singer. well two singers. well, a screamer and a singer. we're trying to combine the two best types of music together; punk and screamo. so far so good.

last night when i got back i wrote(and finished) my first song. its called good boys die young. i guess that was my highlight of my week. other than getting my dresden dolls shirt. on thursday i got ten bucks and i only have $1.26 left.

i cant keep money in my pocket for more than five days i've come to find out. i've come to find this out because when i did i started to go crazy. like everything was on sell for me. so i have to spend my money on something. no matter how errelavent it is.

bad new:i might have carpul tunnel. we think i have this because when i ever i move my fingers a certain way my wrist and my palm hurt more than anything. it fucking sux. we think i have it in my right hand too. mother of fuck, why does it have to be the hand thats fingers always move the certain way to make it hurt like hell. i told the guys about it and they just told me im gonna have to suck it up. and i agree. playing bass and typing is gonna ruin my wrists and my joints. damn...

i need to go get some new clothse, i've come to the conclusion. i need NEED new pants more than anything. three pairs of my pants have either one or two holes right by the crotch. and what sucks more than that is my favorite pair has the biggest ones. damn.

thats all i've been saying for a while,damn. i think its because things dont bother me as much anymore. if something bad happens i just kinda lower my head and say damn then keep going. i'm trying to avoid going into another apathetic stage by making myself feel emotion. it sux when you dont feel anything. so i force myself too. like i dont want to be sad when something bad happens so i make myself feel at least a little sad about it. or i let things bother me a little bit.

today im gonna try to write another song involving the lines
tired but dont want to sleep
hungry but dont want to eat
hating my life, but scared to die
somewhere in it. last night i was really tired and hungry so i told james(screamer of crushed by clouds) that and he was like "make a song with that in it" i decided that ill try.

i'm happy that im writing. getting alot of emotions out on a peice of paper. the guys really REALLY liked the song i wrote last night. they were like THATS AWSOME. all i could say was, thanx.

i've come to the conclusion that life isnt gonna get fun until im older. damn. that means i have to wait. dammit. i want to type more and more.
oh i know what to type.
(excuse the extreme amount of type-o's)
Good Boys Die You-Crushed By Clouds
Burn with the criminal
Tare down the city halls
Watch peoples lives fall
before your very eyes.

Just so you know.
The gun fell by your toe.
And bleeding bodys are
the best kind of them all.

destroy your land.
turn buildings into sand
but dont let go
when its all covered in snow

just hide in my arms
never let go
when all else fail
ill be the last one to go.
[x2]

yeah, my song...i wrote it...you love it admit it!

ok im gonna go do something else with my un-excisting life.
mothafuckers

love,



n